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Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

By Leocthasme

(Just in case you are forced to go there because your spouse or some member of your family insists on shopping there to save a buck.)

You all should know ol' Leo C. here would never be caught dead in Wal-Mart, but then it just might be that some member of the family (would a family member really do this to me?) will insist on a stop to shop and try to convince me that they are saving a buck while they spend hours looking for a buck to save.

Well, just in case something like that happens, I can keep down the family tiffs and just go along for the fun I might have while strolling the aisles of that massive, environmentally catastrophic, creation..

I can grab several boxes of condoms, and randomly drop them in other shoppers' carts while they are not looking. Who knows, it just might happen that one gets by the check out, and ends up at home with one of those Christians who oppose such birth control methods. Can you imagine the screaming and hollering that will follow when they are found, 'I'll never set foot in that devilish place again'.

Now I have accomplished something.

I could stroll around in the House wares department, check out all the alarm clocks, wind up as many as possible and then set them to go off at 5 minute intervals. That could be a fun thing time killer.

While I stroll through the grocery aisles I will diligently look for a dented or damaged can of tomato sauce or juice... My trusty scout knife will finish off the damage to the can and now on my way to the rest room I can let the contents leak out onto the floor.

Just in case I am forced to go to Wal-Mart, maybe I can get by 'family inspection' and wear some old trashy clothes, make sure I haven't shaved that morning and then head directly to the camping department. I'll look for a nice sized tent set up on display. Sit down cross legged in front of it and as other shoppers stroll by I'll invite them in if they will bring along some pillows from the bedding department.

Well, maybe it just might be more fun to open out a sleeping bag and catch up on some rest while the family shops. Would hate to waste time roaming those long wide isles trying to imitate shopping?

The best thing of course, would be to roam the grocery isles and demand of each clerk I can round up, if the tomatoes or lettuce on display were grown in America and if so, where? Or catch a meat department clerk and demand to know where the various packs of meat were cut and wrapped? Of course if I look at some of the packages they will probably say 'Packed in Mexico' or 'Product of Mexico'. The question then to pose, in a very loud voice, is: 'Has this stuff been inspected for mad cow disease?' or 'Has this chicken been inspected for bird flu?'

By now, my family member who has drug me to this 'big box' hell hole of creation, will have become aware of the commotion I have created and fled the store in complete shame of ever knowing me.

Yep! Now I Have Accomplished Something.

See Ya'll at the Union Shop Online, where all the good stuff from America comes from.
 

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Reader Comments

Name: Leo C. Helmer Email: leo@pencilstubs.org
Comment: Nicole thank you very much for your comments. I want to tell you that I have no ill feelings for wal_mart employees. I am totally for you in every way and I feel very sorry that you are oppressed by such an irrisponsible employer. I have adopted a WM store over in Pecos.TX and I have collected money to help empleyees there and elsewhere. I have never shopped at WM since probably back in the 70s because I will not buAy products not made in America nor will I buy products made in sweat shops using slave labor. And here is further Information about me. I am a Union retiree. I believe in the absolute rights of workers and I am toatlly on your side when it comes to getting the best from your employment at the worlds worst place to work In the event you would ever want to strike against such a selfish employer YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO HELP IN EVERY WAY. As I say I am on the workers side when it comes to gaining the best from a difficult job. And yes I was fooling when I wrote the article. but I would have no qualms about disrupting Wal Mart in any way possible I have been subjected to arrest in the past for my UNION ACTIVITY and I do so for the benefit of the workers not for my gratification. The best to you and I hope you can find a much better job than working for the worlds worst employer. If I can help in any way please ask I know of many good Union Jobs. Leo C. Helmer aka leocthasme.

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Name: Nicole Email: sisnicole23@yahoo.com
Comment: I#comma# as a Wal-Mart employee#comma# sincerely hope that you are just being extremely silly! If not it is sad what you are teaching children if not your own the impressionable minds of others are soaking this up. Have you thought about the extra work this would cause the employees all because you couldn#apos#t stand up as a man and very simply say #quot#I don#apos#t want to go#quot#.

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Name: Brooke Email: Unlisted
Comment: Leo- Now my dad and I have something entertaining to do at Wal-Mart! :) This is amazingly hilarious#comma# and I don#apos#t know how or where you come up with such ideas. I#apos#m showing my friends at school- we#apos#re all such mischief makers and in need of good laughs that I think it#apos#ll bring hysteria (and a hoped kick-out-for-the-day from the library XD) in the computer area. It#apos#s hard to find such entertainment today#comma# you know! Anyway#comma# I love this to death#comma# and if I could have a place to show off my favorites (Like Deviantart.com)#comma# this would be the top of my list!! ~Brooke

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Name: Mary Ann Email: supermom_57@hotmail.com
Comment: Dad, Thanks for reminding me why I never ask you to go shopping with me!!!!! LOL We have been trying to stay out of Wal Mart as much as we can.....and you will be proud to know I am doing an Ethics Lesson Plan using Wal Mart as the subject.....will forward for your approval!!!!! LOL Love, your daughter :)

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