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Great Jobs . . .

By Leocthasme

Great Jobs

Some I Was Forced to Quit
Some I Got Fired From
And Some I Failed At, Completely

(A continuing series of incidents in a comedy of errors)

It seems that a while back, my offspring, my wife and editor, and a few close friends, that know me well, decided that I should write a series of articles, which I will refer to as incidents, in a lifetime of funny happenings at various jobs that I have had. First let me state that I was never at a loss to find work even though I was put off, told off, and even chased off the premises of job sites. Most employers just said that the job was not for me because of a sight problem which ‘bugged’ me from the time that I was old enough to begin falling over everything in my path. At an early age my mother put some specks on me, which helped me see the kids I was fighting with. Let’s just say ‘the problems never stopped me’. So here are a series of funny and not so funny incidents.

Getting my first Drivers License

I am sure my mother loved me dearly but dreaded the day that I would turn 16 and ask for the keys to the family car.

"You don’t know how to drive, and right now I don’t have the time to teach you,” was the response.

“You don’t need to teach me, I know how.”

“Who (and under her breath ‘and what idiot’) taught you?”

“Well, Uncle Henry taught me. You know, on Sundays when he would take me to the zoo, wherever, he let me drive through the park. I can hit all them curvy park roads at 35 and never squeal a tire.”

“Oh my God.” An uttered thought. “Get out of here, take the keys and just call and tell me what precinct to bail you out of.” And an afterthought, “Let me see your license.”

And I proudly showed it to mom. After all it took me most of a day to linger about the license office and watch each applicant read the flashed signs at the back of the office. There were a dozen or more of them so I had to observe each sign, its location, and then the response of each applicant as they read the words on the sign. Most of the day was spent, making sure that no matter what sign was flashed I could ’read’ it. And believe it or not, I got them all right, without ever ‘seeing’ a one. License granted.

"Thanks mom, I am going to pick up Bob Green and we have a weekend job out at ‘905’ in Lemay as car hops. Good tip money, I’ll put some gas in the car on the way home.”

“Did you say ‘905’, my God, that is a liquor store.”

“Well, yea, but they serve burgers and fries too, and we serve the drive-in lot.”

“Get lost, no I didn’t mean that, just go and don’t forget to make the first phone call to me, they only allow one.”

“Bye, mom, see you this evening.”

“I hope!”

Be sure to read February issue
for the next article in this series!


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