Irish Eyes

By Mattie Lennon

This month I’m suspending my ego and giving my keyboard a rest. It has nothing to do with humility or even laziness. I am bringing you a piece written by my friend Kay Forristal, author of Dancing on The Edge. (She gave me permission to use this piece.)

What she has to say is much more interesting than anything I could churn out.

Suicide –A Raging War

For those who have lost a loved on to suicide a ghastly silence hangs over the word and, one unanswered question reverberates ceaselessly. Why?

Most people are frightened to acknowledge suicide and cannot comprehend why one would willingly choose to take their own life: the general consensus is: that the victim was influenced by drink/drugs or was mentally ill. I would disagree. In my opinion based on my own experience I believe that some people who choose to commit suicide suffer from an emotional imbalance as opposed to being mentally unbalanced. Generally speaking those people who suffer from emotional imbalances are deep thinkers, sensitive, caring men and women who are out of rhythm spiritually and emotionally.

A person who is suicidal believes that he/she is seriously flawed. They may suffer from a poor self-image, a lack of identity and esteem and, a lack of self-belief. In order to hide from the scrutiny of family and friend’s a happy mask is created for the outside world, inside the person is bewildered, filled with confusion, doubt, fear, despair, shame, guilt, and, self-blame. Trapped in isolation internal dialogue begins and the messages are always negative. Lonely and alone the victim feel’s trapped and is afraid to reveal their vulnerability or to verbalise his/her feelings, which are always based on lack.  

Guilt

When a person steps out of line and does something that they are not proud of the conscience kicks in with a stab of remorse. This warning comes from our instinct and it is a reminder from our spiritual side that we are on the wrong track. Now the choice is ours as to whether to continue or turn back. This guilt is normal and a guide to human growth.

Guiltless

When a person willingly commits an offence against another and feels no remorse for his actions. This person is a psychopath he has no conscience and therefore no guilt.

Abnormal Guilt & Scrupulosity

There is a little talked about moral/religious dis-ease called Scrupulosity, which, in my opinion can steer a person who is afraid of life towards death. (dis-ease is a term used when a person is not at ease with, by or in themselves)

 A scrupulous person is the direct opposite of a psychopathic person. When a scrupulous person steps out of line he/she is attacked by an over-zealous conscience. Usually the attacks of guilt are disproportionate to the acts committed. Anger, which is an emotion that the scrupulous person fears will resurface only to be turned inward, deepening their existing self-hatred. Locked into a prison of inner silence, guilt, rather than becoming a stimulant for change will become a rope which a scrupulous person will be strangled The root of this dilemma lies in the fact that somewhere in the game of life  fear, shame, hurt, and, pain was repressed.

Repression Leads to Depression

As children we were spontaneous beings that liked to laugh, play and have fun. We became dependent on, and, took instruction from, adults, parent’s, teacher’s and authority figures. In the majority of cases we quickly learned that in order to survive,  we had to conform to their rules. Children crave love, affection, praise and attention and, some children quickly learned not to upset adults for fear of losing their approval.

When a person is depressed they tend to live in a time warp, afraid and unable to move forward they cling to the past because it is safe and familiar. What we have forgotten is that we are no longer children dependent on our role models for support and approval. Emotional repression that spills over into depression can trigger off a whole host of other illnesses.

Expression versus Oppression

When a little boy falls and cuts his knee, he cries, therefore releasing his emotions, within a few minutes he will have felt pain, dried his tears and, gone out to play again. When a child is hurt emotionally and chooses not to speak about it then the wound remains unseen and untended to and the emotions remain repressed. As children we were actively taught to repress our emotions:

¨       Boys don’t cry.

¨       Children should be seen and not heard.

¨       Anger is bad.

¨       Don’t be a cry baba.

¨       Stop making a fuss over nothing.

¨       Self praise is no praise.

¨       Pride comes before a fall.

Children soak up information like sponges, some children will express themselves verbally and creatively, by drawing and writing, while others are not so fortunate, these wounded children fear expression and become trapped in emotional pain and distress.

A scrupulous person will suffer many of the following symptoms

¨       Afraid of failure

¨       Petrified of success

¨       Victims of bullies

¨       Jealous and judgmental

¨       Despise their own failures

¨       Sabotage their opportunities

¨       Inflict self-harm

¨       Become perfectionists

¨       Learn to control

¨       Develop addictions

¨       Deny themselves forgiveness

There is a root cause to every ailment, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The good news is that it is within a person’s power to heal wounded emotions, overcome past hurts, and to live a balanced and wholesome life.

The first step back to life a suicidal person must take is to:

¨       BREAK THE SILENCE.

 There is an old adage that states ‘A trouble shared is a trouble halved.’

Find someone and, talk, talk, talk, this is a most vital and most important step to finding yourself, accepting yourself, taking charge of your life, reclaiming control of and, balancing your emotions. If at first you cannot bring yourself to speak to a relation or friend then make an appointment with your doctor, a counsellor, ring the Samaritan’s or email me.

Truth versus Lies

¨       YOU ARE ACCEPTABLE

¨       YOU ARE INTELLIGENT

¨       YOU ARE IMPORTANT

¨       YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

¨       YOU ARE STRONG

¨       YOU ARE WORTHY

¨       YOU ARE CAPABLE

¨       YOU ARE RESILIENT

¨       YOU ARE AUTHENTIC

¨       YOU ARE ENOUGH

¨       YOU HAVE A CHOICE

If anyone has told you differently, they lied.

 I Made the Choice

¨       To speak to a counsellor about my pain and sadness

¨       Return to my past and to find the spirit of my inner child who remained trapped in a time warp of fear.

¨       To reveal my anger, confront and, face my demons.

¨       Acknowledge my emotional turmoil and my vulnerability

¨       Give myself permission to make mistakes.

¨       Forgive myself and those who hurt me

¨       To unlock the cage where I had held myself captive for forty-five years and, free myself.

¨       To cleanse my soul by writing and, publishing my life story

I am who I am and I accept myself as I am. Over the years I have peeled away all the layers of insecurity and, I no longer need to wear masks. I praise myself every day, treat myself with affection, approve of myself, give generously to myself, I respect myself and, I am learning to love myself. I don’t regret my experience’s I am a far stronger and, a more compassionate person because of them. Happy in, by, and, within myself, I have regained self-trust, confidence and esteem. Sure, I get depressed from time to time and, when that happens I accept it, that day I will pamper myself as I would a small child. My war is over, I no longer fight with myself, I fight for myself instead.

I wish you well, and I leave you with these lovely words of old Irish wisdom:

With love, no harm can come. Do not forget, ever, the light that is shining ahead of you, calling on you to always look upwards. Be  guided and guarded in all your ways by the spirit of love.