Thinking Out Loud

By Gerard Meister

Look people, everyone knows that George Bush and his cronies in the oil companies together with his pals in Texas who all drive SUV’s are responsible for global warning. At least that’s what I read in the N.Y. Times eight days a week (two articles on most Sundays) and learn from all the wise pundits on CNN. NBC and etc.

So I was confused by the monumental series of ice and snowstorms that enveloped most of the nation recently. In fact, as of this writing (January 18, 2007):

• • California and Oregon are in a deep freeze ice storm. The expected loss of the citrus crop, strawberries, etc, is expected to top a billion dollars and Governor Schwarzenegger has appealed for federal aid.
• • More than 60 people from Texas to Maine have died (so far). • The airport in Austin, Texas was completely shut down this morning.
• • Close to half-a-million people from New Mexico to Maine are without power.
• • So far, the National Guard has been called out in Texas, Oklahoma and Missouri and President Bush has declared a State of Emergency in Oklahoma.

In trying to figure out what caused this sudden Global Cooling – and I really broke my noodle on this one, folks – I do believe that I’ve come up with something. First off, I had to rule out the list of usual suspects that are supposed to be causing all of America’s problems, namely: President George W. Bush, the oil companies, the drug companies and (of course) Wal Mart. Note that all those companies make more money during inclement weather than they ordinarily do selling heating oil, cold/flu remedies and scarf and glove sets. Plus, Bush can’t be responsible for both Global Warming and Global Cooling.

All I was left with therefore was Al Gore. Yes, that’s right Al Gore! It’s simple really; since Gore’s epic “An Inconvenient Truth” hit the silver screen, global weather has made a complete turn around. People the world over have been so taken with the plight of the penguins and polar bears that bicycles started pouring out all over China and the same with horses in Outer Mongolia not to mention the phalanx of Prius’s ranging over the East Side of Manhattan and the foothills of Hollywood.

This is no joke, folks. We’ve got to do something before it’s too late. I’ve reached out to Michael Moore and George Clooney for some help I’ll keep you posted.?