Thinking Out Loud

By Gerard Meister

Believe me the problem with radical Islam and air travel in and to America is enough to cross a rabbi’s eyes. And our transportation safety pundits can’t seem to get a handle on it. So I was on line at Fort Lauderdale Airport with my shoes off, my computer open and my eye drops (yes, I have an eye problem) and my cane being carefully scanned (yes, I have a problem walking, too) when a young bearded chap with no luggage sashayed through the metal scanner without a peep and trotted away to his gate.

This potentially horrific scenario came home to roost when, a week or so later, the “crotch bomber” was nabbed. We dodged a bullet on this one, but will we be as lucky the next time? Well folks, I broke my noodle on this one and I think I have the answer to all our travel problem. As with most knotty problems the answer was a simple one: make anyone who wants to come to America first fly to Israel, deplane there, get a free beverage of their choice and answer a few questions the Mossad will have for them. Then and only then will they be able to fly directly (no stops!) to the US of A for their stay in the land of the free.

Now I understand this will cause a few problems, but if we agree to pay for it (Israel can use the business) plus the free drinks, I think the idea will sell. This would leave only fights originating and terminating in the USA to worry about and I think I got that one nailed, too. Just make all Muslims strip down (in private, of course) don a hospital gown – the kind that ties in the back – then they would get to board quickly by getting first crack at seating arrangements (plus a free beverage of their choice).

Yes, yes I know we might get a suit by the ACLU about profiling, but I have an answer to that one, too! If we lose the case all Muslims fly free on all our national airlines. Buck naked, but free! And if anyone insists on paying so as not to fly naked well that’s okay, too, but they would have to make a stop over in Israel first, then they can get to go to Detroit non stop (with, of course, a free beverage of their choice). It can’t miss, I tell you; it can’t miss.