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Bizarre Gardening Accident

By John I. Blair

In Rob Reiner’s movie THIS IS SPINAL TAP
One of several drummers the subject band
Ran through in its long and deafening career
Is described as having died
“In a bizarre gardening accident”
It’s funny in the movie, but
Not so funny when it nearly happens to me.
(Not that I died—nothing so drastic;
Bizarre, I hope so.)
What started as an innocent rush
Into my verdant garden
To trim wild growth from an eleagnus
Turned ugly fast.
At first I worked delicately with
Hand clippers, snipping dead twigs
And small shoots to shape;
Then large loppers came into play,
For major pruning, controlling
Rampant growth into the
Nearby crepe myrtle tree.
This proved harder than expected
Since bush and tree in years of proximity
Had formed a miscegenous relationship
And would not leave their embrace.
Ultimately, half-blinded by sweat, dirt,
My own maddened stubbornness,
I attacked the tangled growth
With saws, a pruning hook, bare hands,
And in one final raging tug of war
Snapped a branch. The pruner flipped back
Slapped me in the face and almost took an eye.
Today I came to work looking like
Indiana Jones with a new chin scar,
But unlike him no superhero,
Just a chastened yardman with
New respect for the hazards of my hobby.

©2003 John I. Blair  

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Reader Comments

Name: Shannon Email: Unlisted
Comment: I have knocked myself in the chin several times, no bleeding tho. And a branch once was cut off due to it being there when my head came up. *S* Gardening is a very dangerous thing to do for someone with very little patience like me...LOL



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