(Sometimes Driving is Sheer Poetry, and Sometimes it's like ...)

"Yes, dearie, I did put out that book. It's on the table in the front room. OK, bye now."

(Click, snap.)

"Alvin, I do wish you would at least go the speed limit, it's going to take us two hours to get there."

"I have to go with the traffic, Agnes."

"Well, you don't have to go so slow, everybody is passing you anyhow."

(Screech, screech, bump.)

"See, there, you were going so slow that guy went around and hit that car ahead of him. Looked like he was mad."

"Stupid would be more like it, Agnes. I had to stop for the light."

(Beep, Beep, Beep)

"I bet that's Mildred. She went shopping last night and she's just gotta show off."

"Hello? Yes, Mildred, it's me. Where are you at? Oh, that's so nice, Mildred. At Sax's you say? I'm not going to dare ask what you paid for it. You must be kidding. Oh, alright, see you later."

"Alvin, let's go, the light's green. And, dammit, quit looking at that girl. I saw you when I was talking to Mildred. You looked like your teeth were going to fall out. Haven't you seen a girl before?"

"Not like her."

(Roar, screech, bang, click.)

"Not like her, huh? Well, she ain't no prize with them long skinny legs. And them pants are just too tight, if you ask me."

"I ain't gonna ask you."

"Damn, Alvin, you're gonna kill us. Watch out for the cars and quit looking in the mirror at her."

"I ain't looking at her."

"Well, what in hell are you looking at? You sure aren't looking at the traffic."

"I see the traffic alright, Agnes."

"Well, if you see so good, are you going to run that red light?"

(Screeeeech, clang, click)

"And I do wished you would get this damn car fixed, sounds like a bucket of bolts going down the road."

"The car runs fine, Agnes."

(Roar, schreech.)

"What in hell are you doing? Can't you keep your teeth in your mouth? You know, you just disgust me sometime. What were you doing, anyhow?"

"Nothing."

(Gulp, click, click)

"Quit clicking them damn teeth. The light's changed."

(Clang, pop, screech, roar.)

"Oh, I see. Another damn girl you're gawking at. No wonder your teeth popped out. What did she do, wink at you?"

"More than that, more than that."

"What more than that? You're not making any sense. Get on down the road before another red light and another girl gets us killed."

"Yes, dear."

(Mumble, mumble)

"And quit that mumbling under your breath, you know that just drives me up the wall, Alvin."

(Beep, beep, beep)

"Hello? Oh, it's you, dahling."

(Mumble? mumble, mumble)